Love ,Friend and Foreveralone

warning : title may misleading

it me ! 

 

Huarghhh.. lamak dah sik update blog, korang maybe thinks that i have no love with blogging anymore kan? No no no, blogging still my passion something yg perlu dilakukan ( walaupun dalam keadaan busy at the moment). Banyak benda mok dicerita,  but there also alot need to be silent for. Doesnt means that i am changing, but i just want to write something yang i think worth to share. Some kind of filtering la konon heh.

1 -2 month tok, some of my friend called me i am in anggol mood. Yea since i am active in bergerek again. But honestly i am experiement with my own relationship. Torang may think that i am  playing with people feeling here, giving a girl hope, say something yang bertaman bunga but not sure you really means it. Kasanova? . I am not sure with it.

I just want to know what love is feel, tangible, awesome, and what is? I am still blind with  this relationship,. Sik tauk kenak it kind like you want to have your girlfriend to be your bestfriend but at the same time you dont want to be caught as friendzone with her. Complicated kan? freethinker huh?

Ntahlah, secara jujuruly ,,(word baru) i see that mun ktk bergerek, kita more to care what partner kita will feel, so kita try to be understanding as we can. Contohnya, when her tell something that kita rasa sik ngam kita try to be open and accept it. If you dont want to share something that you rasa it will jeapordize the relationship, we intend to say ” rahsiaaa sik bley padah” and she just said “hum ok ” then we changing the topic. So benda tok seperti we are avoiding you know. I want to tell her, but i dont know she will able to accept it , jadi benda is kind a  atas angin, bercakap pasal good thing ajak2 padahal we hide our weeknest in the sake of love. Hypocrite kan?

Berbeza dengan friendzone, friendzone is where we share something in and out and we dont shy to talk about it. Because technically,  we dont have any feeling toward each other. so we feel comfy, transparent, sadis ( some say) and be truly about yourself. When i tell my cousin that i want to have a girlfriend which is my friendzone , she just laughing at me. Why? she said that friend is different with you girlfriend. Now i feel that girlfriend is fake friend ..Sebab you cant share to her , sebab you dont want to hurt her.

That why if someone ask me, i will say that we still not offically GF and BF yet, Because i am looking forward to have our first argument, first merajuk, first kelaie, first sik bertegur something bad that will shape where the bond will lead. Sama ada we survived, we fail , or we become friendzone. 

Someone advise me , biar masa menentukan , follow the flow , and dont think much about it. I cant , this is what i am . Saya seorang yang merely kepada kelogikan and kerealitian terhadap masa depan. I observe things and try to predict it based on this variable. Sebab saya jenis yang kuat berfikir dan berimaginasi ..

Maaf sekiranya saya mencarut d sini, but at least i rasa sedikit puass..

 

p/s ; korean love? cinta atas dasar sadis? 

 

 

 

 

Love you mom 1million time

Lamak dah sik update blog actually. Terlalu busy gira dengan work sampe sik sempat mok date blogging and telefon ibunda 😦
Niat mok menulis pasal ibunda tok started when nangga gamba my kazen celebrate mak nya d #fb. A cake bunch of pink roses and family gathering. How sweet is that. Benda ya molah ku rasa sedikit dissapointed. what are me and my sibling done for my moms this year? what i do cuma calling nya wishing love you much pabila terpaku nangga ehwal islam malam jumaat hari raya. Serious sedih dowh.. Sampe pengacara ,panel and termasuk aku nok sadis tok pande nangis. Time nya madah “telefon la ibu anda hari in kerana sebelum terlambat”. Straightway aku call nya walaupun nya sedikit pelik sebab aku memang sik pernah telefon waktu weekday. Mom know you best , nya tauk which time you lied ,sadis or ego or something. That why when aku call nya that time she knows what you want to say to her. And getting bless from your mom is the greatest feeling ever!
So how your celebrate your mothers day? my pusak sengaja madah i manage to hug my mom and kiss her chick, damnn hetu. Yea me just a phone call. Maybe mun balit miri sebelum raya kelak mok beli kain pake nya banyak2 . Sak my mom jadi retis..
Read this sheila majid about mothers day
“there is not enough angels to take care everyone in the world so god create moms”

p/s : christina perri live in kl bulan 6 tok sugoi

Bersifat sadis terhadap girlfriend sendiri

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Sorry screen shot make hp. Screen kecik

Where Are You Guys??

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Dont underestimate power of hustle

Balit dari lunner tek,  nangga sidak pengemis rah tepi jejantas bukan sorang bukan duak orang and bukan 3 orang, Mun dekat area station lrt tempat aku ya sampe 4 – 5 orang. Ritok jak tek  dari rumah aku ke Putra Mall , lebih kurang 6 to 7 orang. Macam2 ragam, ada nok embak al quran, ada nok embak seruling( rekoder) , ada jual tisu , ada embak bayi lagik kecik , ada nok ngeso kaki berbalut and banyak lagik la. Sometime even time makan rah food court ada orang merik salam mintak sedekah. 

It happen everywhere bah, even d miri , kuching ada, tapi sik serame KL. Ingat gik time hari raya lepas, ada cina nunggu embak surat kurang upaya mintak sedekah time orang ngabas kubo, sik tauk la surat ya bena ka sik , since hari bait bulan bait , berik juak la cina sikit duit sampe kenak sound ibunda tercinta, ” ko tok bait gilak, ukan betol cina ya ” auk nang rupa cina ya sik betol bah tapi sik kempang hati bah.. Time d KL pun giya juak first dolok, tiap2 mun limpas berik , tapi nektok dah imune dah  macam dah jadi perkara biasa jak so just limpas jak la.. 

Yalah orang madah masyarakat malaysia tok sometime pemurah, and some of sdak pengemis kadang2 sik pande bersyukor ada juak. Mun nya nangga ktk merik haritok, esok time kita melimpas ada la nya nageh gik,  sebab ya la molah ku kadang kadang rimas. So better sik berik la . Walaupun kadang2 kesian nangga sdak nya. Imagine dekat kaki limak ya ada 4 pengemis, mun  merik sorang tok, mesti nok 3 ya mok dberik juak bah, sebab sdak dudok dekat2. Check lam2 kocek ada 3 ringgit balance belanja ritok , camne mok bagi ngan 4 orang? so sik simpan jak lak lam poket. Yg penting mun mok berik ya, bukan atas dasar kenak paksa or anything, just mok berik sdak dalam keadaan ikhlas. ya jak.

Yalah ritok tek , time on the way balit terkesima merati bangla ( or indon sik pasti). Nya jalan depan ku, time nya lalu ngan pengemis tek, berkareh nya nyelok2 poket cari duit k merik pengemis ya. Bangla bah , tauk torang nok hidup nya sik juak terurus , berkareh nya bersedekah dengan pengemis ya, walaupun just beberapa posen jak, ku rasa benda ya macam molah ku terusuk sikit. Bukan pa , ku merati nya dari jauh bah, first nya nangga dompet nya ada beberapa ringgit jak, ku rasa nya pun sikda duit k makan juak, tapi berkareh nya nyelok mencarik duit sen2 k merik pengemis ya. Ya molah ku sedar rasa terhina terhadap diri sendiri..

KL life is all about hustle, especially mun torang tok bukan locally KL, banyak nembiak sarawak ku jumpa sik tahan keja KL sebab taraf hidup nya effing expensive. Cousin ku cerita lok  sampe nya terpaksa molah 2-3 kerja semata mata mok survive, pagi keja ofis, malam keja part time kedey, bisya weekend keja jaga bowling. Huh sampe nya madah kadang2 makan roti jak sebab sekda duit. Then cerita pasal memew ku tek lagik la sayu, sebelum nya dapat keja senang nektok , nya dolok pun keja besa2 jak, jaga kedei part time sia part time sitok, nya sik  tinggi belaja, nya spm jak, and nya is not senang like common sdak KL. She is hustler , sampe nya kelaie ngan pekerja baru sebab berebut ngambik OT. First2 nengar ya nang abit silly, ” kerja pun mok kelaie ka? ” but when she talk about dolok nya banyak tolong nya pun mom , sampe kadang2 nya sik berduit. And there is a moment she said that nya penah nangis time nunggu bas, sebab nya sik tauk camne gik mok survive, duit nya cuma cukup k tambang bas jak balit umah sewa. Nengar experience nya cemya molah ku rasa raspect ngan nya, she like my kazen is  a hustler, still sdak survive. 

Ku honestly sik penah experience sampe giya sekali, dolok time sekda duit, mintak ngan mak jak sebab dolok hidup dibah ketiak mak, sekda k makan , pergi dapur ada barang k makan, Ya time nengar experience org yang hustling tok molah diri tok rasa a lil bersyukor. Nya ( memew) madah, nya selalu ngingat dirik nya sentiasa berjimat dengan pa nya ada nektok, sebab nya penah experience benda yg susah  macam dolok

Moral story is, when we try  to look tiny thing surround us, either nya bait or jaik we can learn something through it. When people talk about hardtime or sad experience, open your heart to hear walaupun kita sik tauk camne mok menenang balit that person. Bukan senang people sanggup buka pekung di dada kan? sebab benda ya is pahit to be remember and to be told again , but when people willing  to  share  with you, that means they want you to learn from that . 🙂 

Addict dengan lagu tok 

 

P/s : life is not fairytales

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friday im in love versi cooldown

Sebenarnya mok engkah tajuk PMS tek , tapi mun engkah nama ya kompom kenak sumpah jadi ladyboi oleh pembaca terutama nya si kakak bergetah.Geram nangga statement maut nya. But well she learn to be sadist , bak kata aku last 2 days 

” One day she start send you mixed signal, you start to get mad because she start to know how to play your game #start #quotes

 

Issue remeh sebenarnya, Ok i try not to be gloomy , merungut, morbid or whatsoever dalam thread tok. Walaupun sebenarnya diri tok nang rasa macam kenak hempap batu jak rasa. It start on wednesday riya bila kenak demam panas, terus la hormon sik balance. Then when my bos Jedi ngeluar statement pedas dalam hipchat. Terus la rasa makin down kan . Statement nya  kira berbunyi ” you just not do your job right, a lot of mistake and i expect more from you” , kira ya la meaning nya tek. Maybe nya makin marah gik bila nya tauk time nya ngeluar statement ya ku was sick leave. 😉

Mesti torang ingga how i feel about that, Frankly i am not that mad or down gilak, but when people surround make a fuss about how moody, pms the bos is, it make me rasa terhasut juak. Sampe some of a my cowarker madah, u should shoot him back because he change everything like suka hati mak bapak dia jak , (cth jak ho). I am try to be  rasional and understand about the situation, I accepted that i dont do really good job so i deserve to be shoot, not just me yang kenak , semua kenak tempias, but since me and lead developer nok responsible for the release so we both yg always kenak blame. 

Yalah , sometime kesian juak nangganya (lead developer) , i try not to be hard with him as he not to be fuss to me, Nya lagik teruk ku rasa, working till midnight, terpaksa berdepan dengan si Jedi  madah we need to delay and delay  and delay it because we are not finish it. Imagine how it feel saying that. Memang bulet proof la. In the end of the day he do a lot of coding and checking ,  while some of them can have a nice sleep in the night. Yalah , it dissapointed sometime , when i really want it to be done, i have to wait him to finish his shit first. Macam haritok, it is a dateline, when check with him , still not done yet. So delay gik, but hey i understand bah. So in the end sabtu kenak keja 

sik tauk camne mok describe my work , tapi paling senang mok madah , ku tok ibarat pilot, and programmer ya ibarat aircraft engineer, Keja ku is molah test flight , and check samada aircraft ya can be declare serviceble ka sik. Cuma differentnya , ku just bukan check aircraft ya dapat terbang jak, banyak juak checklist mok diinspect , macam, kerusi tok cukup 19 seat, tayar angin tok cukup ka sik, blade helicopter ya berkilat ka sik, sama kaler ka sik , lagik detail dari pilot  ,#truestory . Mun sik puas hati , padah ngan engineer , kelak nya repair balit sampe la ku puas hati . Bisya Jedi aka my boss ya kira VIP dudok dalam aircraft ku embak ya, make sure nya comfortable tdo terkangkang time flight. Best kan imaginasi aku?

But lately , rasa macam the burden is to hard, as bos start to shift the more load to me, he even called  me infront of the customer as manager customer support meaning that i have to deal with customer which i really hate it . Semua macam lepas tangan jak, asal customer complain, talk to me. shit happen send email to me, ingat ku pa?  where is Product owner ? Tech Support?  goyang kaki jak.. dem . Bisya when i am in charge, bisya madah, we dont need this, we focus on this project first, you cant use him  now, the fuq at the same time sik pande putus madah slogan keep growing keep growing.. growing ass  

Hard to understand what he want actually, walaupun nya sik grumpy as like other bos, he dont blame people, he knows how to motivate and aspiring staff and he also have a clear vision. What he lack is result. Motivate people without show the result is not works, people will get fedup in the end, I sense that this period is dark stage in our company, people seem not cares and unmotivated. If nothing change people will start going away and it already started

Just forget about company issue tok, On the way balit dari lrt tek, terbaca blog one of my bff. Seem like she talk about me, or not ( who knows) . Yea i receive nya pun sms saying everything will be alright” . I dont reply but i feel appreciated about it, I am in the process of cool down where i think  being silent and do your job is a best remedy at the moment. I even say it to my pusak, “i am busy right now, i cant go out with you at the moment this weekend  “.Bisya percuma kenak tembak balit ”  hendak seribu daya “# facepalm  I also thankful with some of my coworker DM me, ” If you find any issue , dont scare to let us know, if not you get shoot again by jedi ” haha.

In the end of the day , i try to be positive as i can, for whoever yang terasa about my weird behavior , it was not my intention and i  am sorry ok.. Lagik dalam kepompong gik tok, And yes everything will be alright soon 🙂

lagu baruk khatam ukele 🙂

 

P/s: Pusak emo sebab hairstylist salah gunting rambut nya.. what should i say? Pake la wig temprorary #facepalm 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bad hair

Mok share d fb or tweet tapi banyak paparazi.

Yeah .. I also have a blues day…

sunday vlog

lamak sik molah vlog . sorry muka kedak bom atom jepun sebab baruk bangun..

password : ukelele

mun sik dapat tannga d vimeo

The date

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It is funny when after long date with her,we still talk in fb till 0500 am. It start when she challange me to stayback with her and sees which one of us will be faint to sleep.
About the date, i never thought it will be drag till 0800pm. We start meet around 12,after the movie end, we stucked at the mall waiting for rain to stop. She follow me buying my toys and i follow her buying a handbag. Honestly i was run away and leaving her to shops alone while me was hanging out in music shop buying ukelele. Then we hangout at the restorent since it still raining.
The first plan was to accompany her go to KLCC train station and walking through pavillion and buying icecream. But it was rain so we stranded in sungei wang dont know what to do. Trust me, there are lot of awkward moment!!. There is a time we dont know what to talk about because all of us run out of ideas and tired. So we are sitting infront of each other ,she was sleeping while me is monitoring weather report in my handphone. In the end,we just wasted a time because of misscomunication, she want to follow me back to titiwangsa then go back by taxi there, but i was thinking that she is waiting for rain stops*damn. The best awkward thing is when we in monorail , we are saperated from each other, and i knoe it was a failure. At titiwangsa station she give me a handshake.( what the heck is that!!!) i can except if she wave and say bye2. but handshake???? it just feel we just finish meeting. Yeah like working.#facepalm
So walking home, i just knew it was not working as i expected. I feel that i was not trying and not approachable enough to make her feel something. I was too lean, too comfy and was carried away.
So, i just send her msg to make sure she was arrived home safely. That the only gentlemen thing i feel it was right. So she reply back and conversation start from there till morning. I manage to asked her about the date

Me: be frank with me, what do you think about today?
she: hurm it was ok, tapi mesti awak masih malu malu dengan saya kan?
Me: Not really ( ego mode) sebab saya nampak awak is too serious
She: No la, awak belum kenal saya lagi ok hurm
Me: Maybe kot..
She: Saya ingat awak tak minat dgn saya sebab awak nampak tak peduli pun.. ( with icon)

rest of the conversation , we talks about our background, secret , relationship, and feeling . Yeah it was clearly a sign when i keep teasing her more and more. I even called her memew.

She: knapa awak panggil saya memew?
Me: Sebab awak is kucing look alike?
She: kenapa pulak?
me: sebab saya tak pernah kawan dengan kucing and setiap kali tengok awak rase nak gosok jer kepala awak.
She: Kawan saya pun kiut macam kucing jugak :p
Me: No, dont introduce me dengan kawan awak, i only can stand with one cat. too many cat mean many cat poo need to be clean. Banyak tahie puser
She: haha (soklan trap)

In the end..? She start showing some interest in my hobby. she talk about sinchan, sailormoon figurine and my gundam which is i really dont want her intervene much. I rather listening about her handbag collection or her hair style because i dont want she stole my thing!

Maybe it just to fast

I once was asked concerning love versus hate
Why does it seem that hate is so great? 
While hate is a very strong emotion too
Nothing can equal love that is true

The weight of hate is very heavy to bear
While it seems like love is lighter than air
Accounts of hate make a big news headline
While actions of love you must look hard to find

But when you consider that love is patient, kind, 
Envieth not, not pompous, not puffed up, not rude, 
Seeketh not her own, slow to anger, thinks no evil, 
Rejoices not in wrong doing, but rejoices in the truth, 
Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, 
Endures all things, and never fails*

You soon learn that the density of love is so much, 
Although the scales be heaped with a great volume of hate
It’s catapulted by a mere measure of love’s touch, 
Love strengthens the bearer so one feels not its weigh